aka Fleurs - bliss journal

2012 Bring it on baby

2011-12-21T16:51:00.006-05:00

2012 is the year of DREAMS realized
FLOWERS painting WEDDINGS business FAMILY
travel CELEBRATIONS friends FASHION food
DISCOVERY & OPPORTUNITY

Because...

2011-04-16T14:37:00.001-04:00

The breath of our love...

Smells like vanilla and tobacco

Our love is warm safe and moist like humid summer days.

Its pure clean and dirty the way it should be.

Its real...

Sensual and very beautiful!

It arrives and never departs the destination is for forever

I wish I lay naked and vulnerable in your arms this very moment.

Tasting you, feeling you deep inside me...caressing my womb.

You make me sway and shake and dream.

Genuine...

2010-09-27T23:18:00.004-04:00

free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere: a genuine person.

Ha, where have all the good guys gone?

I think that money, success, and social power leave very few people un phased and scarred...
( sad + true)... Even those in their wake end up scarred and jaded.

I am loyal and caring I give to much & wish I didn't give a shit... but I do!!!
turning the other cheek!

Day Two...

2010-09-14T21:40:00.002-04:00

Day two has come and is going...

I am reflective, satisfied, convinced & hopelessly consumed.

I will never be an afterthought again.

Day One

2010-09-13T16:26:00.003-04:00

The day has arrived ...
I am officially on a six week run of sobriety and retraining my body and mind to crave only what it needs.

MEDITATION restoration Cultivation

Deconstruction + Reconstruction = ME :)

2010-07-13T05:11:00.007-04:00

I think my style is that I don't have a specific style...??? Don't know really!

I have been wanting to make and recreate clothes into one of a kind items for forever !!!
There is something really satisfying about destroying and rebuilding things!!!!
I started today...spurred on by wordrobe bordom and the need to be creative.

my old life sounded like this!!! SO sad...

2010-06-08T13:36:00.000-04:00

Mad World
I just heard this song and I love it but damn did i feel this way for that long?

Gary Jules (cover of Tears for Fears)

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsty.com/lyrics/g/gary_jules/#share

Jewelled...

2010-05-08T18:01:00.005-04:00

cerebral mortar and pestle grinding.....

earthy desire......intoxicating .

Sweetness of breath

bodies jewelled with sweat.

Lip gloss stains ........ kissing salty glowing skin

hand fulls of deep warm sublimeness

searing ripe flesh.......

Insomnia...Mania...

2010-05-03T12:31:00.006-04:00

My Insomnia has been driving me crazy not sleeping more than a couple hours in every 24 hour period for over a month reached a fever pitch a week ago Thursday...In a cab with one of my dearest friends and my baby talking about my exhaustion and lack of focus...tears started streaming down my face and I was feeling as pale as I looked...

I got loved for my emotional outburst!!! This outburst not only surprised my friend but also my man and mostly me. After that & some other heavy stuff I decided I need to truly focus on myself.. Routines or rituals... getting back on a sane sleeping rhythm, eat healthy and raw food, create, take vitamins and be kinder and more forgiving to me.

I guess it is so easy to forget to take care of yourself... Anyways

Insomnia Lyrics By Faithless

Deep in the bosom of the gentle night
Is when I search for the light
Pick up my pen and start to write
I struggle, fight dark forces
In the clear moon light
Without fear... insomnia
I can't get no sleep

I used to worry, thought I was goin' mad in a hurry
Gettin' stress, makin' excess mess in darkness
No electricity, something's all over me, greasy
Insomnia please release me and let me dream of
Makin' mad love to my girl on the heath
Tearin' off tights with my teeth
But there's no release, no peace
I toss and turn without cease
Like a curse, open my eyes and rise like yeast
At least a couple of weeks
Since I last slept, kept takin' sleepers
But now I keep myself pepped
Deeper still, that night I write by candle light
I find insight, fundamental movement, uh
So when it's back this insomniac take an original tack
Keep the beast in my nature under ceaseless attack
I gets no sleep
I can't get no sleep

I can't get no sleep
I can't get no sleep
I need to sleep, although I get no sleep
I need to sleep, although I get no sleep

Ecstasy...

2010-04-24T01:20:00.005-04:00

Hungry kisses on lips...flashes...body heat & electricity...
breasts & thighs
melting...helplessly dripping love wishes softly on skin
eyes, flesh & sweet summer breath love
take me divinely
to ecstasy

New Projects...

2010-04-21T01:52:00.003-04:00

I have been spending a huge chunk of my time everyday getting my project ideas to bloom so I can set out and accomplish them.

I have lots of collaborations going on and I def have got some wonderful opportunities unfolding

I just need to commit now, prioritize and give birth to my babies.

SEXY

2010-04-16T01:45:00.002-04:00

Energy Vampires

2010-04-15T23:09:00.003-04:00

In this lifetime I decided not to take them on...
I left them behind & I push them away.

Fucking Judgementalize and suck yourself dry
Take your negative chi somewhere else
. . .

Ebs SHIFTs 2 Flows

2010-04-15T03:06:00.006-04:00

I have been dreaming a million quick and vivid dreams.
Been lying awake in a blissful blur of words and images... Damask, tooled leather, embossed things & relief works... with the most lovely skin next to mine... feet and legs all entwined, breathing, loving, thinking & smelling of you.

I have been feeling the creative mood shift... I have photos to take, art and much more love dripping and raw to make.

Scenes from the M Train

2010-02-11T15:58:00.005-05:00

Haunting and Beautiful!!!

Happy New Year!!!

2010-01-01T19:02:00.001-05:00

Today

2009-10-08T15:16:00.002-04:00

Today, this morning... I lay in bed thinking on the past.

You adored me and I felt safe with you!

The winding drive all stones ha, the steps also stones that lead to the flagstone porch... God we spent a million moments on it every summer...crying, laughing and story telling!

We sometimes never spoke... you knew my pain ... Understood... we just could be... those were my safest days and quietest moments in the early years of that nightmare part of my life.

I remember your gardens the rockery... flowers swaying in the hot summer breeze, watching the humming birds compete for nectar from the feeder you filled lovingly each morning.

While my infant slept and cooed in the shade beside us and the whipperwills sang!

Thinking about you today! I wonder Nana how many cups of Tea and how many kisses you planted on my forehead cheeks ... Hummm to many to count for sure!

I am grateful for the lessons and love!

I am grateful you played with the kids and fed them mashed potato you made and eggs with butter toast fingers, that you ALWAYS snuck a tiny bit of cadburys english chocolate in their little rosebud mouths...

The lovely presents and walks and black and white movies till 4am the love the love the love!

My Nana!Thanks Giving makes me think of you!

The way you always smelled so good and always had your arm around me!

How I wish you could meet my Aaron ... I am happy finally so happy!

That you could see I love my little loves so dear and they oh how they have grown.

I miss you love you too!Continue to RIP!

2009-07-17T10:54:00.001-04:00

I love hot humid summer days! The house smells so good the soapy smell from the shower is amazing!
Smells like holidays ...

2009-06-09T11:19:00.001-04:00

Wake my love, so I can go with you bask and give you salt water kisses
and oil baths...

2009-06-09T11:02:00.001-04:00

Last night thunder clapped while I listened to your heartbeat.
I breathed in the sweet summer breath you breathe and the lightning revealed caressed skin...

2009-05-28T22:04:00.001-04:00

In the trunk of a car!!!
- tragically hip

Fucking Fuck! And I am grateful that you are not!

2009-05-27T09:35:00.001-04:00

While you held me ... I trembled...my soul beared to you, I swear I felt as if I left my fingerprints on cloud 9...

2009-05-25T11:38:00.001-04:00

A mother can and will cry a million salty tears to try and ease a childs pain...

The ache of your childs anguish burns like hells fire...

2009-05-05T19:54:00.001-04:00

First of many mobile blogs ha! This is a test!

L A ... dreaming and memories...

2009-03-06T17:39:00.006-05:00

You may think right away Hollywood Glitz and Glamour....sure it's there, we played a bit too...I am a girly girl love to dress up and feel sexy as much as the next woman.

However for me it was about soul!

The Ocean... rugged and rough sea pounding rocky sandy shores.... dreaming about painting on the beach... writing there ...making love in the sand mmmm
taking photos...diving...swimming, floating away in his arms while the water laps at the back of my neck caressing thoughts and encouraging primal creativity....ROAR

The crevices and little discoveries, and god... staring at the one I love while his soul is free completely free....

The mountains and breathtaking views... the endless possibilities...Freedom to explore and be explored!!! Driving hour after hour into the wee hours... feeling looked after, appreciated safe and cared for on every level...

We drove all over saw so much talked forever, laughed, played,loved even spilt happy tears and reflected ... made plans and it is a place I will always have some of the very best memories and experiences on a love,soulful, pure, gut opening and heady way...

I am so in Love so blessed,so healed...

I love coming home too... to our home smelling that smell of home being in our space with our cherished belongings and reveling in the best part of all I am with the most amazing part of my life

my
love my love my love...

Today...

2009-02-11T20:10:00.002-05:00

Today was a beautiful "Springlike" Day I think 60 degrees at some point and it's been happening off and on with bitterly cold days in between ... I'll take it.

I had errands to run but stayed and I walked around for 5 hours today happily window shopping clothing and home wares , kitchen gadgets, art antiques , jewelery etc...

Managing a little price break on Canal after negotiating with the vendor.

Met up with my love for coffee and his smile and arms felt so divine when he greeted me.

I wished I had the camera with me but I will be more diligent about that in the future

I rode the subway home in a very quiet sleepy thoughtful trance

TODAY

so alive... so much to tell

2009-01-27T16:36:00.000-05:00

Riding the waves... depth, soul and some funk...

2008-12-30T11:35:00.003-05:00

Body surfing the waves darlings has been a lesson and you know mother nature wins...

I am a passionate charismatic person whom loves life and is so blessed...

I have been diving deep into the waters of life and my soul ....

but got into a funk...

The kind of winter funk that gets to most of us the kind of funk that you tell your
self is not fair and you wish it would just go away... But I have also been under the weather... :( for sometime...

Thank you to all my beautiful friends and especially to my Love for standing by me while I am sick and tired and healthy and strong ...

Now its time to get on with it ...

I'm back with a vengeance

FUCK IT!!!

Vote For Change!!!!!

2008-11-04T00:13:00.002-05:00

I can't Vote here yet!!!! One Day though!!!!

DO IT!!!!!!!

Please...

My New York

2008-10-16T21:38:00.002-04:00

My New York is...
subways,getting on the rails the wrong direction,the archives of your mind opening up and breathing ,
relenting,passion,exposure,over exposure,under exposure,riding waves,wanting to see waves,the park,iced coffee,gourmet food that costs to much,poverty,wealth,reaching,reveling,music,beauty,purity,breathing,sharing,exploring,staying air conditioning , moisture,smells,p b and j, ,rising up ,unity,oneness,garbage, photos ,friends,stoops,smoking to many delicious cigarettes, a billion overheard conversations on the subway or in the streets ,sirens, taxis, takeout, staying in , parties, working, loving, being lost in crowds,missing people,being content, communication, pearls, clothes, high heels and blisters, walking,sultry heat,loving you & being loved back ,first times finances,being alive ,being me,rewards,future,art,photography,living life watching others have joy,sorrow,pain,...imperfections that are perfect ,,architecture,getting involved,learning,being still,healing,making way for so much more,pushing on when you are sleepy,smiling,discovering you can cry,realizations,expectations,making love in the blue light of the morning ,Chinese laundry,talking till its 11 am,profoundness,privacy being utterly cherished,spaces, dusty baseboards everywhere ,filthy club washrooms and the surprise i feel when they are clean.

to be continued...

be nice

2008-09-11T22:37:00.002-04:00

just be nice you don't know the kind of day someone has had .........
maybe they want to smile but just can't ,maybe they are hungry or sick maybe
just maybe they have a broken heart or they just need a smile to make them feel welcomed....

be nice

who are they really?

2008-07-25T04:54:00.002-04:00

People who say and do things to be self serving out right denying the facts before them or others or to manipulate and use someone for thrills , money,control or adventure either by way of making them feel special and unique while doing the same with others or maliciously tricking them in to feeling safe when they have no intention of providing that..... has somewhat tainted my trusting nature ....LUCKILY.... I have someone who has been making me feel special unique, loved and safe for the last year and I believe him,

In Review

2008-07-25T04:16:00.004-04:00

This question who are you?

Posed in a much more seductive and eloquent way but this was my response last fall the only thing I would add to it is that I find lies and dis-honesty ,betrayal to be unforgivable.... going through an awful divorce finding out these things , knowing them actually and having been betrayed over and over again repulses me.....

Moving forward ....thankfully I don't have this problem any longer...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

response

i am a contradiction.......
lover,fighter and peacemaker .I am a friend an artist a loving & fun mother.My memories are priceless and will keep company when I grow old.
I am a dreamer, thinker,a sensual being that longs for nature and nurture,touch smell and taste .I love the way the garden reveals miracles each season and I get to play. I can argue .I am passionate about love and life and I wake up wanting more everyday.... I want and I need sunshine and rain, I worry, I am honest and silly. I am hungry and thirsty for knowledge & experience(s). I can be lonely in a room full of people. I am unique and special, I am important and insignificant too.I love deeply,fully and almost unconditionally :),my soul is awake my spirit sings when I create. I walk with each of you I am human........ I am incapable of hate but capable of intense dislike,don't lie to me, cheat on me or steal from me just ask...
I will help you up and if you hurt me I might push you away.I can be a bitch,I like to talk, I love silence, music makes me happy and feeds me when nothing else will,I dance for fun and always will.I am spiritual,I love home..... .I love warm flicker of fire and enjoy living lights( candles )each day ,I cry in the shower, i bathe away anger,i love clean,clutter aggravates me, i love the warmth of breath and the way the wind teases the leaves on each tree,i am here and I will be gone one day.I am impatient and and patient too. I have a sense of humor.I want to be liked, I want to remain humble and giving i don't want to be abandoned,shamed or forgotten,my spelling is horrible .I need to express myself,reflect and share....... I am learning about me everyday and this is some of who I am so far.........
fleurs
wow trying to flow with the thoughts as they come and try to say it all with out putting it into order

baby always...

2008-06-24T08:03:00.002-04:00

How to say I Love You in 100 Languages

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumem
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee)
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Catalan - T'estimo
Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Chinese
Cantonese - Ngo oiy ney a
Mandarin - Wo ai ni
Comanche - U kamakutu nu
(pronounced oo----ka-ma-koo-too-----nu) -- Thx Tony
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Cree - Kisakihitin
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien)
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg

Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Frisian - Ik hald fan dy
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe
Hebrew
To female - "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach" (said by female)
To male - "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha" (said by female)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru or Anata ga daisuki desu
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo or Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech gaer
Macedonian - Te Sakam
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Maltese - Inhobbok
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Ndebele - Niyakutanda
Norwegian
Bokmaal - Jeg elsker deg
Nyonrsk - Eg elskar deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Surinam - Mi lobi joe
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai
To female - Phom rak khun
To male - Chan rak khun
Informal - Rak te
Tunisian - Ha eh bak
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese
To female - Anh ye^u em
To male - Em ye^u anh
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe
Zazi - Ezhele hezdege
Zuni - Tom ho' ichema

La Belle Muse

2008-06-07T12:52:00.002-04:00

A new blog with Aaron A Brooks
Creativity, Exploration & Expression

www.labellemuse.blogspot.com

randomness

2008-05-27T22:24:00.002-04:00

Is that really a word? I think it should be if it's not..........

self portraits

2008-05-19T14:44:00.003-04:00

I don't really know how I got started with the self portraits one day I just started shooting me! Back at it again ,I have several that came out great!Here are a couple from the other day!
Not perfect just the way I like them.

you never know ......

2008-04-22T19:12:00.003-04:00

Ok ,I'll admit horrible shot of my work...
I still wonder sometimes where my paintings come from ... I mean I know but ... I don't...

this one is called heart @550...it is shocking to stand back a few days later and see what I was feeling on a canvass.....

Inspired by many things.... New York!!! Special moments and people
I am heading back in a few days for almost three weeks can't wait!!!!

The top photo is the frame I used to make this canvass...

NEW YORK...& Co...

2008-04-20T01:36:00.004-04:00

In love hopelessly in love

at least it keeps me outta trouble......

2008-04-19T13:24:00.002-04:00

Friday Night In Toronto.......

2008-04-18T22:51:00.002-04:00

Tonight is a night for Painting...

I hope my smokes last the night I don't feel like going anywhere...

well except home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bathe in light

2008-04-18T12:52:00.005-04:00

The skylight above the bath tub Sublime in the am...

light and shadows mixed with love

2008-04-17T13:14:00.002-04:00

Both of these shots deserve a place of their own I'll fix it later...

it's been that kinda week!

2008-03-25T23:53:00.002-04:00

what dosen't kill you only makes you smoke more???

Another Holiday...

2008-03-23T21:56:00.006-04:00

Came home to find everything rearranged!!!
Punishment I suppose ... what should I expect!

I expect nothing but negativity, games and grief !!!
shame on you !!!

silence.....stings............

2008-03-23T13:52:00.002-04:00

like a hard slap in the face.........
no talking ,no sounds , no love .........

Home/Alone !!!!!

2008-03-18T19:23:00.006-04:00

Today I really wish I wasn't !!!!!

On a brighter note my brand new bed arrives tomorrow!!!
At least that will be sweet!!!!

New Shoes.....

2008-03-12T15:12:00.007-04:00

Paolo Nutini - New Shoes Lyrics

Woke up cold one tuesday,
I'm looking tired and feeling quite sick,
I felt like there was something missing in my day to day life,
So I quickly opened the wardrobe,
Pulled out some jeans and a T-Shirt that seemed clean,
Topped it off with a pair of old shoes,
That were ripped around the seams,
And I thought these shoes just don't suit me.

CHORUS:
Hey, I put some new shoes on,
And suddenly everything is right,
I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,
It so inviting,
Oh, short on money,
But long on time,
Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,
And I'm running late,
And I dont need an excuse,
'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes.

Woke up late one thursday,
And I'm seeing stars as I'm rubbing my eyes,
And I felt like there were two days missing,
As I focused all the time,
And I made my way to the kitchen,
But I had to stop from the shock of what I found,
A room full of all my friends dancing round and round,
And I thought hello new shoes,
Byebye them blues.

CHORUS

Take me wondering through these streets,
Where bright lights and angels meet,
Stone to stone they take me on,
I'm walking to the break of dawn. (x2)

CHORUS (x2)

Take me wondering through these streets

you know what I mean !!!!

2008-03-11T01:46:00.006-04:00

I have been hurt the worst by those whom should have known better !!!
oddly enough today when i was shooting the camera caught me ....from behind so I got to thinking upon review!!! JERKS KISS MY ***

BTW>>>>>the batteries are fresh and the flash is ready to go sooner than usual......................

When I say kiss my ass undoubtedly if I said please .......that's a whole different storey!!!! baby ............... mmmm and fliping the bird to those whom are the real jokers....

THEME kiss my ass!!!!

Springs Breath...

2008-03-09T01:06:00.008-05:00

Springs breath...

perspective, retrospective
dialects of pain and despair fading into the beyond.

vibrations of hope , joy, peace .....claim newly retrieved souls
depths of distance and closeness ,silence and sounds.

creation ..... inspiration
flowing montages of life and future
communication unspoken and real
confirmations and questions...discoveries unfold

sensuality reading through ...

the darkness fades into
the blue breathy morning light
haunting physical and heartfelt moments

Sunshine washes the brilliant white
of love spent ...with heat ,truth and expression
sighs reverberate small pockets of space and time
priceless , genuine.

addiction

2008-03-08T17:24:00.001-05:00

addiction....
It has no beginning or end when you are in it...... around it, enveloped , captured by it's intensity, it is blinding, deafening and all powerful spirit killing....... it is hell .

Art Project...

2008-03-06T19:03:00.001-05:00

hmmm heaven awaits....

2008-03-05T12:57:00.007-05:00

As of late I have been caught between Heaven and Hell ( letting go forever the pain I carried) !!!

The Heaven that awaits is the most profound and precious heaven there is or ever will be!!!! I am alive in touch and deep.... I know where I am going ! For the first time in my life I know I am ok .... it is all ok...

My beautiful father and I had a really great conversation about space and time and energy last night!!! About my art , my writing ....and my final realisation that censoring myself for the last 20 years and stomping out my art was killing me ,my spirit and It is wonderful that I have found it again .... as a grown woman it is less complicated . I just am ,I have nothing to prove to anyone !!!

There is special energy and love and light in my life ......and I am walking towards it and not away .... never away.

He is encouraging me to leave behind the hell and take the heaven by the hand and let it lead me ... to trust it to put it out there and not worry everything will work out just fine .

Yes, My father is very cool... he would cringe at that word .... sort of a contradiction in a way because old fashioned things in his mind intermingle with new age and science..... he is a great conversationalist , brilliant and an intelligent mind , loyal and determined and most of all I love him dearly .... we and I have come such a long way!!!

Thanks to that almighty power that is in our universe ...

Ahhh motherhood!!!!

2008-03-04T20:15:00.003-05:00

Off to europe for 2 WEEKS!I am so proud!!!

insufferable past

2008-03-03T02:21:00.005-05:00

I have found strength through the love of my children and by looking deep within.....and one other thing ................

I find beauty and love in language written and verbally and expression....emotionally , spiritually , creatively........

the lack of words that tell someone whom loves you ,you hurt.... is profound.

moving forward

5 senses and a 6th .....

2008-03-02T14:51:00.003-05:00

We are curious creatures ...
Space , time...........energy

Saturday Morning.....

2008-03-01T15:12:00.002-05:00

well afternoon ........ I allowed myself to sleep .....I slept I awoke I turned over hugged my pillow and drifted back off...... Is this not part of life's joys ?

It is a right not a privilege and we all deserve it a safe quiet sleep at least a few times a week... how is another question anyone whom has the answer let me know... LOL.

I am an insomniac whom rarely sleeps ...period but there comes a point when you need to succumb for sanity for beauty and mental clarity...
Safety as well...

The warm sleepy feeling that envelopes us carries us away when we don't even realise it is happening ... pure magic and rare in my life ...

3am I found myself in a scorching hot shower washing my hair twice.... standing there and melting away the pains and aches from yesterday !!! It was a really tough day for me.

I put my best sheets on the bed they smell so lovely of fabric softener and bleach ..... white sheets only...........fresh crisp and cool.

Flannel pjs cotton tee and so sparkling clean ........ I sunk in and was carried away to dreamland and had sweet and beautiful dreams of loved ones........

Hallelujah..........

70's just like me......

2008-02-29T15:45:00.004-05:00

I found this double v collared vintage brown leather trench with the belt!!!!!I love it.....needs a tiny bit of TLC but damn .........

I am sure it is early 70's or a little earlier.....

riding the waves ..........

2008-02-29T11:58:00.002-05:00

It's fucking insanity around here.........

I think the treadmill at the gym cringes when I show up .....

Eyes so blue
so fucking
blue today.

Giant raindrops flow
stinging , staining faces.
hot and salty....

THOSE WORDS........what words....silence......

Hot water and soap
maybe....

crisp scent of stems
petals erase the stench of hurt

peppermint tea
freshens the lips that have kissed
dark emptiness in the past...

Overcome.........

2008-02-24T12:56:00.002-05:00

and my little dog too.............................

ALIVE.......LIVING

2008-02-22T10:59:00.003-05:00

The damn has broken................ Painting again.... Floral Artistry with an edge , and frigging inspiration is everywhere ................IDS this afternoon ....YES!!!!
I am going to kick some ass today........... wish me luck!!!!!

Feel like dancing......

2008-02-21T12:45:00.003-05:00

I am feeling the flow bigtime....
what a relief....
I surrender ...

Roar....

2008-02-20T15:42:00.002-05:00

Just one of those days........

The Rosebush ..... ( Below)

2008-02-20T11:02:00.003-05:00

I can't wait to be gardening again ..... this is the rose bush I planted in 2000

when my beloved grandmother passed ......

she was my real mum ,she taught me so much and she truly was my best friend .....

I owe my domesticity to her........my creative spirit flows from her love....she was very independant and strong and creative.... always cleaning,cooking,decorating ....... creating and entertaining,,,she used to do ceramics .

I was blessed and fortunate that she was so willing to allow us to be apart of that ....she taught weekly classes at home in the basement I remember setting out the trays of food the cakes and the tea cups.....

I remember always getting my own little projects too..... she had her own kiln and would fire the stuff herself.... the transformation of an object that has been painted after it is fired is astounding ...fascinating to me....

I miss the tales of my father growing up in England and the stories about her nursing days........ I miss the custard and pies........ funny.... I miss her more than I miss my mother ....

what now???? oh ya work!!!

2008-02-19T09:21:00.005-05:00

Flowers anyone.......

Naked

2008-02-18T14:31:00.004-05:00

That bead of sweat a single one....

rolling down my back.......

exposed .......naked , energy

say my name...............say my name

take me there...

my breath leaves my body hot and sweet...

dreams painted with words....

wicked thoughts and

sensuality ....

melted, rolling divine.

hearts undone.........

A reminder

2008-02-16T22:37:00.004-05:00

As we sit and prepare for yet another snow storm
REMEMBER SUMMER IS COMING!!!

Bliss

2008-02-15T07:40:00.005-05:00

....... my bliss is somewhere I feel it..............

So much snow.....

2008-02-12T22:37:00.003-05:00

There is so much snow ........It looks beautiful .......I might even make a snow angel later.................. :)

Happiness is...

2008-02-11T16:30:00.000-05:00

Rockin Out
I am in an awesome mood, exausted & creative, working on some stuff and Have Rage Against The Machine Pumped ....... Oh YA Baby..

I almost gave up on working today...

it's so cold....

2008-02-11T02:58:00.000-05:00

It is insanly cold minus 28 or more with the wind chill.....my studio is freezing ...completely making me not want to go out there ..............I am sleeping by the fire tonite well lately most nites ......

Anyways Today was.......stonecold.... but I feel warmer now............

Now just two things a smoke and sleep....

photography....obsession....

2008-02-10T12:10:00.000-05:00

So I don't know if this is genetic or just contagious and I caught the illness from my Father...in anycase .... Back in the day my mother was a model...my father was /is a photographer...

...my father was introduced to her as a Photographer and the rest is history... here I be....

My father taught us about flicking and clicking whenever and appreciating and using lights available to soften the shots kleenex taped over a flash for effect etc....lol low tech and brilliant on occasion...

To improvise and look at things from many angles not the intended way...
Maybe that is where most of my Ideas come from I have a slew of shots

I want but they may always just remain an intellectual idea

not an actual shot...there is one about

Humanity versus money

I am dieing to do it's a nude but the idea it is a good one and thats all I will say .........................I still might attempt it.....

I am neither a photographer or a model although I have done a little of both...at 5.5 this chiquita did not make the cut........................

I've Been thinking....

2008-02-09T21:12:00.000-05:00

I owe it to myself to get away for a few days... I would love a sun vacation ....drinks ,reading .....the beach and no one who knows really who I am..... just a girl ....

But I would also love to hop a train and just ride....I wonder what it would be like to sleep with the clickety clacking under my back... I wonder would I sleep or just dream day dreams the whole time...

Either way I am taking a break soon for a few days ...... what ever I end up doing It will involve some good books good wine and a whole lotta nothing in particular...

Red panties...For Luck???

2008-02-09T00:12:00.000-05:00

Apparently so......

Yesterday was the official Chinese
New Year the beginning of the year of the Rat ...... For what it's worth thats me and yep........ damn right I wore red panties for good luck... ........I'm not messing around...........Happy New Year.

Good Night All ...... Sweet Dreams.............................................

sleeping alone ...

2008-02-08T10:35:00.000-05:00

sleepy and resting
Sleeping alone is not so bad ....

I need a new bed a smaller one, king size just swallows me whole...

A little new lighting would not hurt either ...oh well soon ....

working hard...

2008-02-08T01:24:00.000-05:00

Today was crazy busy.......
I did finally eat though around 10:30pm

I have allot of work to do over the next day ... new accounts and finalizing presentations .I just have to be fearless and keep my head down...work hard and then hopefully I will be able to get away.....

I need the sand between my toes and the hot sun on my skin so badly...

Photo is flowers 3 types of dahlias from my own garden last Aug...

I can't wait to get all covered in dirt and be sore from digging...

will be another late night...

2008-02-07T01:19:00.000-05:00

Late cause thats what I do.....for some reason...all my life ..
Today we got nailed with yet another wicked snow storm...
Hmm possible playground...the lights in parking lots & from car lights so pretty and the snow adds to it .....

Anyways silly girl went out in it of course ...
I can handle the roads ...it's the other drivers shh....

Perfect day no one was at the shops but us and my daughter leaves for europe in less than a month so we got some new luggage , a party dress ...new pj's.... and I got some pretty little things....too ".) but mostly it was fun and I enjoyed spending time watching my beauties be girly girls...

Photos are from today...

the freakiest of things...

2008-02-06T12:11:00.000-05:00

Doing my usual reading marathons...
I came across this blog of an Irish Man talking about his visit
to St Michan's To see real "naturally mummified corpses " Incase you are curious here is a link to the photog web site rummage around you'll find it...it looks like a family of four... http://www.davewalshphoto.com/ yikes....

I have this thing about death...well the body after death...
If I want you to touch me ...you'll have the opportunity while I am still in it...
I know we all have our hang ups , I certainly do...
but when I'm gone I want to be burried as soon as possible ....
do not disturb will be On my casket...
Something about taking pictures and touching the dead while they sleep is
....well feels perverted ...undignified.

I just visited the above link...no luck on the mummies photo I'll repost a better link but...his photos are beautiful none the less.
here is anotherhttp://www.blather.net/blather/2007/08/the_mummies_of_saint_michans.html link to try

went for a long drive...

2008-02-06T01:29:00.000-05:00

I took myself somewhere special ...

Out to the Devils Pulpit... the view of the city ...
the golden horseshoe in the black of night...

I love it there the beauty is ... well it just is...

As I clicked along every curve of the road and up every hill I had Heart cranked as loud as it would go.....I wish I could sing like that ..

Another shot from#2 uv ...

just breathing ...

2008-02-04T23:59:00.000-05:00

inhaling , thinking my thoughts

damn well makes me ache ...

Photo from uv series.. shoot #2

carbonated thoughts...

2008-02-04T02:27:00.000-05:00

Hot sultry suffering
staring up...through
carbonated thoughts, fizzing...hard.

Unzipped sensuality beckons.
Breath alone ...light intertwined
perfect whispers one... burn lips in dark .

Swaying incredible
wanting driving divine,
melted ,electric pure.

Drinking them in ... dancing snags
fretting ...unleashed beasts.

Angels lul ...shhh
soul lightning wishes
felt perfect.

Damn......

2008-01-31T12:54:00.000-05:00

You took me for granted
You took me, you took me for granted
But I landed back on my feet, back on
My feet
Cos you don't deserve me, deserve me
You don't have the time that I need
That I want, I deserve
But I got back my nerve
Did what was right for me
I'm using my head not my heart
And I'm starting new
I'm going to get over you, over you
I'm not important to you
I'm not important to you
I'm not important to you
I'm not important to you
You happy is all I wanted to see, is all
I wanted to see, to see
And so now that's what
I'm going to be, what I'm going to be
I'll waste some time on me
I gave you my all and you took it
I saw and you gave nothing back
Your mind on another track,
Another track, another track yeah
There are plenty of people out there
Who would care about me
You'll see
You'll see
I'm not important to you
I'm not important to you
I'm not important to you
I'm not important to you

Sia lyrics I'm not important to you...

Time for a little outing...

2008-01-31T03:01:00.000-05:00

This weekend!
I need to blow off a little frenetic energy ...

NO MORE SHOPPING!!!

Pretty Things

2008-01-29T22:55:00.000-05:00

Today I was at the trade show and ... shopping= Fun

I found some really great thing to add to the fleurs collection for Spring and Summer...

I love it when I am thinking of and buying for the warmer months ....

Here are a few newbies... I told you they were Pretty.

I have added a link to my business blog it is under construction so please bear with me ...I took down last years stuff...I wanted a change...

daily rituals

2008-01-28T12:30:00.000-05:00

Simple and rejuvenating

streaky raccoon eyes and all

washing off the day is my key to survival...

Ultra Violet

2008-01-27T15:26:00.000-05:00

Ok so I have been to the tanning booth to get some much needed UV>>>

My coffee stain birth marks were beginning to show up since my summer colour is all but gone ...

It also provided me with a really great photo playground....

peace...

2008-01-27T01:38:00.000-05:00

A Little Peace

GRATEFUL...

2008-01-26T13:09:00.001-05:00

So I have been navigating murky waters lately... " Shrugs"

I believe everything will turn out fine ... I know it will

I am feeling
so much better...... even though my house is smelling like a smoky
80's nightclub minus the beer smell ... it's only soot...

I am grateful that my family is so beautiful and they love me so...

I think that the 16 dream has way more significance than I originally thought............. here is a picture from my 16th year... BIGHAIR

I belong to me...

2008-01-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

I belong to me...

You never told me in all the years if you love the curve of my mouth
or the little marks here and there only you know about.
there are allot of things I wonder did your choices feel good
you said you were thinking of me ....

Then there were the other things ...
that betrayal was not so bad it just made me throw up
the other things won't ever go away...

my lips have only brushed 4 mouths in all of my lifetime...
My whole body revealed only to one...
the sounds and sighs only to one.

I am broken and I feel ... angry
like no one will ever want me for me,
not ... intimately need to kiss me ,
breathe me in ,crawl through my dreams,
**** me, heal the scratches on my soul
lingering next to me so
I can cry away the pain ...

I need to be held to heal...
but it's not possible.

so I will always belong to me.

I told you that shit was bad for your health

2008-01-25T19:03:00.000-05:00

Instant gratification microwave crap...... to eat.... my 19 year old incinerated a microwave snack......"see photo ".......... the smoke filled the whole main floor......and has begun to filter through to the upstairs... my room is right above the kitchen....stinky.....worst of all I have company arriving in an hour or so......

This is what happens when I go out and take care of business the kids go to the shops and buy crap( contraband) and almost burn the damn place down...uggggg just a part of life I suppose with three teenagers....

Now for the serious clean up...oh well a few days of stink and a small plate are not that serious I'm glad that was it.... :)

detoxing my life....

2008-01-24T13:56:00.000-05:00

been staying in allot lately ....

actually since the cold weather set in.

At least my creative juices have been flowing ....

The reality of finding "peace" is within reach ...

if I detox...my life...truly

sixteen...

2008-01-21T13:12:00.000-05:00

dreamt of the number the other day...

I got to thinking about the past, present and future...

1+6=7 perhaps ....my favorite numbers are 6 and 7

sixteen 16
this number is significant to me ...

The age I was when I married
The age I was when I left home
The age I was when I became a Mother

Anyways this reminds me of a specials song....

too much too young

Not that I subscribe to the negative version of it necessarily

I have no Idea how my parents allowed it

I would not... But... I would not change my past either

The next 16 years will be ones of creative force,

continued drive and discovery....

???

2008-01-21T04:10:00.000-05:00

felt that heat rise up in my chest

arms went all numb

shaking,trembling

heart tumbling

Heartbreak Hotel

2008-01-19T21:41:00.000-05:00

I'm sick of this place...

Got to keep moving

Smiling & chancing

Parked...

2008-01-18T12:51:00.000-05:00

Tranference...

pulses of places ... infusions
light jumping and bouncing all around

dynamics play ...distortion too
read what you want, it's not all the same

pieces of me, you.
them and us ...

parked energy tapped
resisted not

inherited likeness
reading through.

Thought I'd Share For a Laugh...

2008-01-13T11:14:00.000-05:00

This is actually on boxes

too funny...

There is Light all around...

2008-01-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

Traffic lighting...

Those are not tears you see...

Magical sensational opportunistic emotions

dragged me down for weeks ...

pulled my hair and made me ache.

Remember how I told of tired bleeding out from within....no more sweet no more I want to sleep...

I am back and the lights are bright ...

nighttime will be brighter honey brighter and braver then ever before...

I will walk the halls, paint ...

when sleep escapes me with a smile ,a peace that I find in me ...

Love to you always & never the same ...

the ink dried a long time ago... the chains snapped in two

and our love crashed so loudly we were nearly deafened...

nearly...but I am hearing you now...and you me

finally friends we can be...

remember not to forget that anxiousness and tenderness exist

don't touch my heart that way ...cause it might still be sore.

Post marked...

2008-01-11T00:22:00.000-05:00

Canadian forces mail 2007-12-14

Unopened till 2008-01-05

"Danger pay she scoffed is not why... adventure is why..."

"Always second best "she said in an e-mail only weeks before ...the only letter in years...

The latest letter...

Sent from Dubai post card of Emirates Towers ... (by night) it says...

"just to let you know I made it to Dubai" scrolled ever so neatly in all capital letters....god how it makes me remember ....the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain...written over and over again also the scribbles and scratches...no doubt a wandering mind...

by now my head hurts and I want to take an advil and push the letter back into the envelope

"I go to Kandahar on the 14th ,15th"

I know you must really be tasting the adventure by now...

much ado about nothing...

2008-01-10T12:29:00.000-05:00

I have had several muses this week some dark and some light...

For fun here are some shots ...

back in the studio...

2008-01-07T21:33:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the beauties that greeted me today...
The scent of fresh florals and greens ...
I love the scent especially after the stems are cut it is intensified

Divine truly...
Bad photos I know but who really gives a damn today about that...