Waiting Game...

Poor old thing...

I am loading all my photos from a sweet old friend on to my portable hard drive a brilliant new friend so I can have my files in one location...or a few depending on where I am...

I got a new computer a few weeks back... I desperately needed it and the hit to the pocket book was well worth it.

I am happy that my old friend is co-operating you see it got to the point where my baby was to old and filled with my crazy ass (creative)files to run with out the odd narcoleptic fit.

I remember when My father had one of the very first personal computers he stayed up all night programming it and himself for weeks with my God Father John...also an artist, maybe one day I'll write about him ...

No such thing as plug and play then... I have been taught well and learned early on that calling the PC rude names was actually an endearment.. at least I have inherited it from time to time and truth be told I have no Idea what I would do with out this 2D world...

I found something....

I found A really cool little folder I put together in my 29th year another year of my life that saw great changes and personal growth & fire if you will...

I found an audition notes folder here is an excerpt from one experience...

"Yesterdays audition was a really amazing experience. Positive/informal/fun.
I did a cold read "Olivia"

The director(Alfie) and the producer (Pam) are amazing and passionate people who laugh allot, there was another woman there but I didn't catch her name and she was the only person I couldn't figure out!

If I get a role ...any role I'd be absolutely thrilled to bits!"

Well I did get the role........."Olivia"

and it was a whirlwind experience..... .

I can accomplish all that I want to in this lifetime and there is so much baby ....so much left to do......

Today was brilliant and a blur...

Sheer exhaustion and emotional overload had me weak ... not asking for sympathy BTW just saying...

I had a wonderful day at my Sister's and my youngest sister moved me to tears, we choose her to spoil all of us and she began crying to see the pile of gifts in front of her ... she was genuinely surprised and we all bawled ... OUR ...Family...siblings, niece's, nephew's along with my own kids(including their Dad) and My Father and friends are my Blessings...

Right now I am healing from a few personal disappointments and serious heartache but I am up and realise I am fortunate beyond explanation..........

The photo above is from today one side of the road was sunny and the other foggy and dark in the distance the two were meeting brilliant and a blur!!!

couldn't sleep darlings

Here I am in the middle of the night typing away...I have wrapped ,unwrapped and shopped and cooked and fed and have to go away tomorrow to my sister's to celebrate with "my" side of the family ...I should be dreaming..... I need to dream sweet dreams....

I had plenty of mind numbing cocktails to ensure it! All it ensured was a wacky dream and I must have had 15 minutes of insane dreaming before I awoke all confused .

Oh well, SMILES.... after I post this I will try again... here are a few of the moments I had in the last day or so.Hope your Holiday or not was Merry and Bright!!! Wish Santa would have left me kisses xo

Dreams again...

last night I dreamt of a train station...brand new incomplete and a stadium concert where a stranger recognised me and hugged me as if we were Friends .

Then a public washroom stall that was being washed by a happy woman on all fours splashing soapy water all over the loo, I entered the stall at the end undressed & began to shower???

The other day I dreamt of a window from the inside it looked old .

A doorway to an old farm house from the outside.A pathway that curved slightly it was like a slide show they were all images one after the other.

What's Next?

New Years Eve ???
I am not making "resolutions" I will eat drink and smoke if and when I want to...

2007 Has been a trying and immensely important year of my life. One of realisation,letting go...acceptance .

2008 looks very promising and I know it will be an interesting,busy year of growth and freshness...personally and professionally.

I am going to start my NEW YEAR by continuing to purge and then re feather the nest so to speak... starting with my bedroom...

RIP BELLA

My sweet little Angel lost her beloved Pet Hamster Bella today :(

I wish that she never had to face any type grief,ever....however that is unrealistic and so here we are ...

Bella was like a little dog, even joining her in the pool .We had the pleasure of her company for the last two years and a bit.

Bella would squeal/chirp for attention and in response to my daughters cooing and praise.

My daughter tenderly cared for her ,feeding, providing fresh drinking water and clean bedding,she was very affectionate and intelligent for a hamster and to a 14 year old girl a special friend and companion...
She will be missed by all of us but most sorely by my daughter...

Desire

Purely divine and luxurious
tender restraint ,breathy sweetness of
physical hunger ...exotic...
reaching...pushing through the darkness

......

You Think You Know Me...

You only know...
what you think I ought to be......
That broke my heart ...truly...completely

Time to wrap my head around a few creative endevours

I have already started booking next summers events into next fall .Hard to believe but true ... I have a special project that will hopefully be done and ready to launch in September 2008 (late) ...

The picture is of our tree

Almost Naked In The Snow...

I must have lost my faculties temporarily
All the other girls were in the same situation but I wonder how many of them wrestled with the double stick tape ...

frozen.........

I can not believe the amount of snow it is ridiculous

xo

update..on the hair thang..

The new girl was really nice and she did a good job(WHEW) we added in some extra low lites well I always darken it and then added some highlites...I am just glad it turned out....I will get used to it in a couple of days.
On another note I am feeling really tired of winter ...I am thinking I should have booked that trip to Mexico for the event planning conference in Jan after all... I am sick of being stuck inside it makes me feel claustrophobic...everything starts to get on my nerves... anyways I am cleaning to keep my self from going nuts and tonight I have a cocktail/business dinner party and there will be some clients there... at least that will make me motivated to be presentable...and up...as in happy.

I don't know if it is just me??? my kids tell me I am neurotic about it, the cleaning but I think I am just sensible...I guess they hate cleaning and worse ...they hate when I go on a cleaning rampage... ok, ok so I do like the towels folded a certain way with the neat side facing out and all stacked the same size and color and the nice ones with the nice ones .
Not like sleeping with the enemy neurotic just neat...

Inspired once again....

happily...
In dreams and awake I am feeling it...
I have already got two more paintings in my head ,I think up up lyrical thoughts in bed, the shower, while I vacuum... scrub up the pots and pans or make an arrangement ...

My Tiny Companion...

Chi in a hat!

Dampness

Dampness aches me to the bone

my heart shattered so long ago.

Alone I wait...tired bleeding out from within

patience none.

Sleep has been robbed again.

questions drowning

Holding on impossible ...my grip has weakened...

slipping it's done

Alone in the darkest hours

cold and wet ,full of dread...

my grip weakened there then ...

my grip has weakened

slipping it's done

part of a piece maybe one day I'll put the rest of it up...

Ice and Fire...

Before
After

Went out to clear the walk way,drive and the plow had dumped a huge load of extra packed snow across the bottom of the drive ...FIRE ...brutal, oh well eventually I had to give up and go in to thaw out...

I am a fighter if I coulda finished I woulda.

Now it's raining cats and dogs go figure and the trees are all icy...

Snow Storm Photos

Guess I'll be digging out tomorrow .

I'll turn up the heat and climb into my bed it's freezing...

Can't wait to have my fire place fixed they are coming on Wednesday

Dream Scapes

It's been a while since I have painted( paintings, "art") or flung what everstruck me at a canvass ....... This one had me creeping around the studio even at 4:30 am this morning . The Images can be expanded by clicking them.

So far this piece has acrylic ,wax, gold & silver leaf

and an oil based pewter glaze ..

ESSE

My heart my body ,pains pleasures ,

giving and taking love.

Words ,how they untangle... sweetly undoing me.

My thoughts,desires, ,emotions distilled ,concentrated...
creating the perfume of my soul

* the old keys above are from one my boutiques , a very special place *

Dreams and Insomnia....

For a woman who rarely Enters the bed before 2am +, I certainly do allot of dreaming .

Capturing the dreams is not an easy task but they do serve as an inspirational platform .

I dreamt one night a few weeks ago ,I went to stay in a Hotel ,the suite had a Golden Buddha, silk sheets , a patchwork type silky duvet, a burnished wall treatment of pewter, rich dark furnishings, there was art on the walls ,I can't recall what but it was so different than my space it was darker , enclosed and I felt it was so intimate.I know my home is a very intimate space but this was different.I have no Idea where this stuff comes from exactly so vivid too but I do know that I wish I could take pictures of this place. It felt so warm and safe, and the bathroom was this tiny but luxuriously decorated shower room with the most decadent smelling shampoo.... In my dream I took a shower washed my hair and then I awoke .

what is the meaning of this dream ??? It is beyond me maybe just exploring new places and things.

Although I can not take pictures of this place I have been thinking of painting it abstractly. I have not painted in a while maybe it is time .....

just photos...

Naughty Me......

I have got the shopping bug right now , although I have a Christmas list to follow well actually several SHA - GRINN.

(not like Grinch just a self control compass)

My wicked girlish shopping self has been rearing it's naughtiness lately. That gave me an Idea for a photo essay..... I will have to capture some bits and pieces ,frivolousness if you will ...... I think I will call it what girls want ......

To be continued........

Humanity,Humbleness, Helping ......

In sharp contrast to the above I would like to mention that these frivolous moments are rare for me. After being on this earth 35 years a little fun will go a long way . I am happy to have the blessings I do .I have had very little and plenty at different times in my life . I know hunger,needing but not starvation,desperation and we should all be as helpful and conscious as possible to those in need. Spare them some dignity help people help themselves and I always , always share food ,above all else you will never starve if you give someone half a sandwich and you will not be cold if you spare a few items from your winter closet....... you will both have some. The feeling in your heart will far out way any sense of loss over any said item or extra bite.... Peace.

GRRRRRRR.........gotta vent damn it

<

UHHHHHHHHHH

After many hours spent, $$$$$ spent on a recent promotion .

Today innocently at 4 pm had the phone company add some new services to my business line and about a half hour ago 9 pm and much silence....... I figured out my line that was forwarded to my cell was in actuality accidently disconnected instead............no wonder it did not ring this eve not even once........weird anyways they may not have the "mistake " fixed untill Monday .........................

.....<<<<>>>> DAMN !DAMN !DAMN!

I had to have a small temper tantrum :(

Now I'll go back to being an adult with a little more class.......

Dreams Bijoux

Words thoughts...

crouching down.

Flashes dreaming...

whispers needing .

Feeding Dreams Bijoux

update .........

A quick update

the floors are being sealed a second time but here is the finished look.

Click the image to expand it.......

The Studio IS almost there...

I am so happy........ for the very first time , I created some floral designs in my new studio....The space is still being renovated and we were actually working on the floors that day .

I am really pleased with the space .........I can't wait to have the floors finished ,the rest of the trim done and the crowns installed .......

the gift of ..........

Music..... Last night I attended the Police concert@ ACC it was a fabulous show.....
I was so reminded of my Father.
I grooved and sang and remembered...

Music....

A constant companion , Inspiration......through good times and bad it is all around us it makes us laugh, cry, sing , dance be romantic and even express anger....... beautiful and magical it enhances sensuality and life in general.....

I want to thank my Beloved Father whom is a wonderful person that taught us about appreciating so many of life's gifts........ creativity , individuality , imagination , expression .........he taught and still teaches us the profoundness of sound, thought , feeling and expression/creation..... whether that creation is in nature,our own or Someone Else's ....he is an amazing Father and Grandfather....

Thanks Dad for giving us all the chance to enjoy all of these gifts
(ours & others) and appreciate them........

bathe.......

laying still....
wet steam rising ,breathing...
perfume scents air.
bubbles caressing ,
candles burn there.
Bathing away anger,ill ,setting me free
my mind contemplates,my soul eliminates,
my body celebrates me...

new photos .......

Today was take your kids to work day so I brought my 17 year old daughter around with me to the wholesale florist and a few other suppliers as you can see it was not all serious business......................... oh and I really am hoping to get through tonight it's day 5 with no cigarettes and I'm feeling a little spicy.................